All The Right Moves

Season 1. Episode 1: All The Right Moves. And here’s the question we want to answer for history: If Tom Cruise is willing and able to do everything that is possible on film, why the hell can’t he act like an actual, decent athlete? 

In 1983, Tom Cruise starred in a modest, Rust Belt high school football movie wherein he played an undersized, but hard hitting, corner back. This would mark the first of many times that Cruise would apply his obvious strength and physicality to a role as a "sporting athlete" (rather than just a person who is athletic). It would also be the first time that we could not help but notice how aggressively "off" he seemed in acting out sports. We've known it for decades. It seems everyone knows this defect in the biggest star of the last forty years. And yet, the mystery persists: Why can't Cruise act like a decent athlete and why does he try so hard, so often to do so?

Buckle up for a very deep dive into Tom Cruise. In this episode we explore the earliest text in what would become a pile of evidence regarding Tom Cruise, the movie athlete. With conflicting evidence in that film, we go on to review every major scene Cruise has acted in wherein he tries to act like he's playing a sport. It's a consistent move for the actor, who is clearly very physically gifted but also clearly confused about sports. Our panel goes film by film, shot by shot, to uncover evidence on all sides of the argument.

Finally, with the evidence in hand, we ask the panel to consider how Cruise would rank as an athlete relative to other leading men of his era by holding a "Leading Man Fantasy Football Draft." Cruise is considered alongside other athletic actors such as Kurt Russell, Denzel Washington, Sylvester Stallone and many more. Nearly two hours later, exhausted by still laughing, the jury reaches its verdict.